Thursday, June 8, 2017

Leaving Baby Camp and Entering the Real World

Baby Camp: the post delivery hospital recovery room 

It's All About Perspective

Picture it: a small 12 X 8 ft room with a bathroom, bed, "dad bed" (love seat), and a view of the parking garage. Sure, it's a tight fit but it's full service. With television setup for the mom's enjoyment, it was perfect! OK, maybe not so perfect. OK... Fine... it was more like a Soviet apartment but with worse food. It was my Baby Camp. 

If you haven't given birth, Baby Camp is the 3 days stay at the hospital afterwards. These days are partially for everyone's health, but you get feeling they're making sure you don't kill the baby.

My husband and I had very different opinions on Baby Camp. To me, Baby Camp was a chance for me to test out this mom thing. Someone came in every four hours to see how you and the baby were doing, answer questions, and deliver pain-meds (THANK YOU!). Think about it, four hours leaves very little room to really screw up your child's life. You'd basically have to be Joan Crawford to really mess it up in four hours.

 Baby Camp was also an opportunity for someone to take care of me. I had pre-picked meals brought to my bedside every few hours. It wasn't five star dining, but it was one thing not to worry about. Shortly after we arrived at Baby Camp I needed to use the bathroom. With my wobbly legs and my fresh stitches, I was more than apprehensive about this task. Not a problem, the nurses helped me with steady hands, surprisingly strong bodies, and a reassuring tone as they explained the "down there" care. I knew once we left baby camp no one as knowledgeable would be around. It was a scary thought to leave.  It was a security blanket. 

Now my husband saw Baby Camp very, very differently. He had the joy of being 6'1" and sleeping on the ridiculous dad bed. He had to leave the hospital for every meal, being unwilling to pay for the prison quality cafeteria food. He was annoyed by the checkups every four hours disrupting valuable sleep. With the broken coffee machine, he had had enough.. To him, he'd joined the Night's Watch. He wanted out, badly. 

Should I Stay or Should I Go

As luck would have it, Elliott and I were recovering remarkably well. I felt good, she was latching, there were no health concerns for either of us. So when my doctor and Elliott's pediatrician suggested leaving one day early, my husband jumped at the chance to go home. I was on the fence. 

Yes, Baby Camp had its drawbacks, but I wasn't sure if I could handle motherhood and normal home stuff while recovering. I sure as hell wasn't going to cook or clean. I just pushed a baby out of my vagina. And Bill, I love him dearly, but he isn't one for household chores. 

So our conversation went like this:

Bill: Do you think we should go home?

Me: I don't know what do you think?

Bill: It's not up to me, what do you think? 

Me: I'm not sure, it would be nice to sleep in my own bed.

Bill: Yes! And we want Marley (our beloved boxer) to meet baby Elliott

Me: And I don't know, I'd like to shower and have some privacy.

Bill: Sounds like you want to go home. 

Me: Eh, I don't know. I also feel comfortable here.

Bill: We are going to have to go home eventually. 

To my surprise, he was right. I would have to go home and be a mom without the comfort of around the clock care. I took an inventory of how I was physically feeling, which was not bad at all considering what I had just done. Then I thought about my mental state; definitely not my normal self, but also in pretty good shape. 

Me: OK, what the hell let's rip the Band-Aide off and go home. 

Bill made a mad-dash for the nurse to let her know we would be leaving that day. We were discharged and home within the hour. 

The Fallout of the Baby Camp Breakout

I'm glad we left early. Getting home and into my own space made me feel more like a mom and myself. Without the watchful eye of the nurses, I was really able to embrace my new role. It felt really important to bring Elliott and my home together. It also gave me a chance to believe in myself and my abilities as a new mom.  Marley did not care about the baby at all.

Throughout my pregnancy, I envisioned myself as a mom. I saw myself holding Elliott on the porch, rocking her in the nursery, and snuggling on the couch. In those daydreams, I was in my home, not at the hospital. 

Coming home a day early also gave Bill a chance to take care of me.  He was able to nurse me back to health. He fixed all my meals, helped me get around the house, and took an active role in becoming a dad. He really bonded with Elliott those first few days at home, and watching that relationship take-off melted my heart over and over.

Stay at Baby Camp as long as you need.  However, you may be surprised how capable you are instinctively.  I was.  Having the baby at home was an immediate joyful experience and I'm glad we left Baby Camp a day early.  

*We did not actually make it upstairs to our bed for another two and a half weeks more about this later. 


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